Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Race is Long, and In the End, it is Only With Yourself

I found out a couple of weeks ago that I'm getting laid off from my Day Job. In fact, this Friday is my last day of full-time work, then I'm effectively on my own. It's odd, because I was kinda surprised, but not really. Everyone knows that the Economy is in...disrepair (to say the least), my job is administrative (so people could really do for themselves the tasks that had been assigned to me), and I had noticed that the projects enrolled in our program were canceling at a surprising rate because *they* were losing funding, so in a way it was inevitable, I suppose. I freaked out about it for about 24 hours after after I found out. There was shock about the news, and a whole rundown of "what do I do now?" scenarios. After some research and phone calls with friends back in Portland, and my family in Houston, I had a better feeling about things, an idea of what the next few months would look like for me, and a sense that I'll be much more than just "okay".

A lot of people asked whether I'd move back to Portland or Houston--in fact, I think some of them were requests for me to do just that. It's really warming to know that I have people in my life who care enough to offer the support and assistance that my friends and family did, but I think that New York is where I'm meant to be right now. Don't misunderstand: I miss these people dearly and hope I can see them again soon, but....NEW YORK CITY!!!! Yeah, I knew you'd understand if I put it like that.

I'm taking this change as an opportunity rather than a defeat, ultimately. Davitron and I are already working on several patterns to release this Fall, so I will definitely take this time to focus on that, and perhaps I'll have one or two more to offer than I originally thought. We each have several ideas for pullovers, outerwear pieces, and accessories, so keep an eye on this blog over the next few months; we'll have the same usual posts about other projects we're working on, but there will also be several exciting patterns coming up: Knits He'll Actually Wear. Tell your friends!

Of course, part of what this means is that I'll need to be more disciplined than I've ever been before. EVER!!! That could easily be a huge obstacle on its own, but I also know how focused and resourceful I can be when I've decided I really want something to happen, so I've got that going for me, for sure. In the midst of all this, I'm thinking of ways to stay focused, inspired, and positive. I'm thinking my dry erase board will become a 'whiteboard' for keeping track of designs I have in mind, as well as milestones and personal deadlines I want to meet. I'll get some construction paper, too, to make style boards for the various designs I'm working on.

Naturally, I'll be listening to music a lot, too. All the songs from here will be on heavy rotation, as will my "Eff Them Mofos" playlist that I made a couple of years ago. It was something I'd listen to when I got frustrated and annoyed with dating, but all the songs are about being confident and independent, so of course it's totally relevant!

And then there are those schmaltzy platitudes that make us groan when we're feeling cynical, but make us teary-eyed when they're exactly what we need to hear. These are some of the ones I'll be keeping close by:

The title of this blog post is from Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen) by Baz Luhrman

"When one door closes, another opens, but it's hell being in the hallway."

"All you misfits and losers, you know you're Rock 'n Rollers! Yeah, you're doing alright, so hold on to each-other, you gotta hold on tonight..." --Hedwig and the Angry Inch, from Midnight Radio

"Change, change...if I can fake it I'ma make it something worth dreaming of." --Santogold, from L.E.S. Artistes

"The less room you give me, the more space I've got. Today has never happened and it doesn't frighten me. It doesn't scare me at all." --Bjork, from Alarm Call


Emily said...

As someone in basically exactly the same position, I totally empathize with you. You WILL be better than okay, for sure, but it's still hard. One thing that's been challenging for me is to allow myself enough time to get used to the transition, and not expect too much from myself in the first few weeks after losing my job. For whatever that's worth. Anyway, I'm sorry to hear this & feel free to shoot me an email whenever if you'd like.

Chuckleheads said...

You've inspired me.... :) Can't wait to see where you end up...